“Doctor, doctor, I haven’t slept for days.”
“Because I sleep at night!”
What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic? Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
One of the great ironies of life is by the time you retire and are able to sleep late, you are to old to be able to sleep late.
Did you hear about the man who slept under an old tractor? He wanted to wake up oily in the morning.
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, “Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you.”
“I know” said the man, “but I can`t. My wife refuses to sleep alone.”
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Did you hear about the parents who called their baby “Caffeine?” It kept them awake all night!
Why it is that the one who snores always goes to sleep first?
Insomnia is what you have when you lie awake all night for ten minutes!
“Doctor, doctor, I can’t get to sleep at night.”
“Lie on the edge of the bed, then, and you’ll soon drop off.”
Husband: “Honey, I have terrible insomnia.”
Wife: “If you go to sleep, it won’t bother you!”
Insomnia is the triumph of mind over mattress.
Whiskey may not cure your insomnia, but it makes staying awake much more pleasant.
Insomnia is the triumph of mind over mattress!
My insomnia is so bad, I can`t even sleep on the job.
I won’t rest until I find a cure for insomnia.
What question can never be answered with “Yes.”
Are you asleep?
Sleep is a form of death on the installment plan.
An accountant was having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
“Doctor, I just can’t sleep at night.”
“Have you tried counting sheep?”
“That’s the problem! I make a mistake and spend 3 hours trying to find it.”
He is such an insomniac that when he falls asleep, he dreams he is awake!
“Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.”
Insomniak Parking sign: http://amzn.to/PXekCD
Get a degree in sleeping: http://amzn.to/PjvOM5