When I went on business trips, one thing I did before I left was to change the bed and put on nice, clean sheets. After coming home late, I’d wash a layer of airport slime off me, vacuum down whatever wasn’t grey and or fuzzy from the fridge, and slide into my freshly made bed. Ah, home at last.

Try to buy sheets with a thread count as high as you can find and afford.  This means they’ll be softer and satiny smooth. I prefer a thread count of 8 billion, but you can be happy at around 400.

Now your new sheets are going to come hermetically sealed by the same people who originally packed your tent into that little carry bag. Don’t worry. You’ll never get the sheets back in the bag again after you unfold them and the packer swamis know it (ha, ah, high five).

First thing you do is read the label. The sheets may be made of cotton, rayon, nylon, satin, idontknowon or yak curlies. Just pay attention to the washing instructions. Yes you have to wash them first to wash out the starch they’re packaged with or you might as well go to bed sandwiched between a couple of batts of wall insulation.

I don’t use fabric softener in the rinse. I prefer dryer sheets. You never miss the rinse cycle or without the oil coating over everything, go up like a roman candle after eating cherries flambé in bed.

Some people prefer a soothing, cool, color like blue or green, but any color is fine. I have Superman sheets, but that’s a separate psychology book.

Sleep with just the number of blankets you need to keep warm.

Try not to sleep with a pile of blankets on top of you like you’re the bottom of a Dagwood sandwich. Your body acually has to expend energy lifting that pile of blankets every time you breath. I don’t think you can get tired sleeping, but I once had a pile of blankets, sheets and a comforter that was so heavy I needed the jaws of life to get out of bed.