“Doctor, doctor, I haven’t slept for days.”
“Why not?”
“Because I sleep at night!”

What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic? Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

One of the great ironies of life is by the time you retire and are able to sleep late, you are to old to be able to sleep late.

Did you hear about the man who slept under an old tractor? He wanted to wake up oily in the morning.

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, “Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you.”
“I know” said the man, “but I can`t. My wife refuses to sleep alone.”

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Did you hear about the parents who called their baby “Caffeine?” It kept them awake all night!

Why it is that the one who snores always goes to sleep first?

Insomnia is what you have when you lie awake all night for ten minutes!

“Doctor, doctor, I can’t get to sleep at night.”
“Lie on the edge of the bed, then, and you’ll soon drop off.”

Husband: “Honey, I have terrible insomnia.”
Wife: “If you go to sleep, it won’t bother you!”

Insomnia is the triumph of mind over mattress.

Whiskey may not cure your insomnia, but it makes staying awake much more pleasant.

Insomnia is the triumph of mind over mattress!

My insomnia is so bad, I can`t even sleep on the job.

I won’t rest until I find a cure for insomnia.

What question can never be answered with “Yes.”
Are you asleep?

Sleep is a form of death on the installment plan.

An accountant was having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
“Doctor, I just can’t sleep at night.”
“Have you tried counting sheep?”
“That’s the problem! I make a mistake and spend 3 hours trying to find it.”

He is such an insomniac that when he falls asleep, he dreams he is awake!

“Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.”

Relationship Issues

Your body may be feeding critters, your bed a chemical mine field and radiation is cooking your insides like last nights leftovers in a rusty microwave.

Sin #1 – Dust Mites

Every night you are sharing your bed with up to 6 billion dust mites and they are feeding on the 40,000 dead skin cells you shed every minute. And they especially love the comfort of your pillow as much as you do.

Dust mites are a common cause of asthma and allergic reactions in people.

Keep dust mites at bay by keeping the humidity level in your house below 50%, wash your bedding weekly in hot water and put them in the dryer and use a steamer on your mattress monthly.

Sin #2 – Low Frequency Electromagnetic Fields

Low frequency electromagnetic fields are present anytime an electrical current is passing through an appliance or lighting like your nightstand light or your clock radio. They create both magnetic and electric fields and a Swedish study showed an increase in childhood and adult leukemia when exposed to such fields.

Keep electric devices a good arms length away from your bed and never use an electric blanket while you’re sleeping – use it heat up your bed then turn it off.

Sin #3 – Metal Bed Springs

Metal bed springs act as an antenna for radio waves and your bed may develop magnetic hot spots throughout the mattress and box spring.

This has been shown to cause chronic fatigue and insomnia by interfering with your body’s own magnetic field and may be a possible factor in breast cancer and melanoma.

Switch to a wooden bed frame and get a mattress without metal springs.

Sin #4 – Bed Bugs

Bed bugs feed on human blood and are reddish-brown, flat, and oval in shape and about the size of an apple seed. They come home with you from your vacation and make themselves comfortable in your furniture, clothing and your mattress.

Check for them around your mattress and box spring. You may have red bite marks on your arms or since they love your face they will feast on your cheeks while your slumber.

You can try Diatomaceous Earth because it kills the bed bugs by dehydrating them. Since they can be hard to eradicate, sometimes you just have to call in a profession exterminator.

Sin # 5 – Mold and Mildew

Your body sweats to cool down and you put out over a pint of sweat every night that gets absorbed into your sheets and seeps into your mattress.

Leaving your mattress on the floor or up against an outside wall invites mold to invade your bed from the bottom and the sides.

Make sure your mattress is up off the floor, install a headboard, use a mattress pad and wash it monthly and get a fan to circulate the air or a dehumidifier if your bedroom is too damp.

Sin # 6 – Formaldehyde

Used in the glue of pressed wood products to make new furniture like your bed frame and night stands. It is classified by the International Agency for Research on Cancer as a carcinogen. Some of the effects of formaldehyde include respiratory problems, nausea, burning of the eyes and throat and headaches.

It also gasses off from water proof or wrinkle free bedding.

Avoid cheap pressed wood products, also known as Beaver puke. Solid wood furniture and all cotton sheets can drastically reduce your exposure.

Sin # 7 – Radon Gas

Radon is estimated to cause about 21,000 lung cancer deaths per year, according to EPA’s 2003 Assessment of Risks from Radon in Homes. It comes from the natural breakdown of uranium in rocks and the soil and is found all over the country.

Radon gas can creep into your home through your concrete block basement walls. You can get a testing kit at your local hardware store to determine the level of radon gas in your home.

Don’t sleep in a basement bedroom, seal all cracks in basement walls and install a fan system what vents the air in your basement to the outside. If radon gas levels are over 4 picocuries per liter then call an experienced contractor for help in making your home safer.

If you take the time to save yourself from the seven deadly bedroom sins you will be healthier, sleep better and reduce your risk of an early death.

If you don’t, then don’t blame me if you’re awake all night listening to the bugs much away at your flesh, the hum of electric fields cooking your organs and the hiss of the deadly gasses surrounding you.

Have a nice sleep.

How safe is your bedroom? Leave a comment below.

Sustained Wakefulness

Anyone with a dog knows how, if given the opportunity at the beach or at a park, their dog will find something foul-smelling and often dead to roll around on.

Cats are also well known to kill birds and small rodents for food and fun and then bring their trophy home for you to find on the kitchen floor. This could also be the reason why diseases from cats are more prevalent and in many cases, more deadly.

The people who are at the greatest risk are young children, the elderly and anyone with a compromised immune system. They should be discouraged from letting their pets sleep on their pillow or kissing their pet. They should also not let their pet lick them as this has been shown to transmit some life-threatening infections, even from pets that seem healthy.

Some diseases you could catch from your pet includes:

• Roundworm
• Ringworm
• Hookworm
• Cat scratch disease/fever
• Chagas disease
• Staphylococcus infections
• Parasites
• Capnocytophaga Meningitis
• Bubonic plague
• Cryptosporidium
• Rabies
• MRSA (Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus)
• Pasteurella
• Toxocariasis

A new born who had their pacifier used as a toy by their pet cat contracted meningitis.

After the dog of a 48 year-old Australian woman licked a burn on the top of her foot she contracted septicaemia and developed multi-organ failure.

A 9-year-old boy from Arizona developed plague after sleeping with his flea infested cat.

There was a family from the Pacific Northeast that caught plague from their dogs’ fleas.

A British woman who repeatedly kissed the family dog contracted meningitis.

One woman from Japan contacted meningitis after kissing her pet’s face.

Both a man and his wife from California contracted MRSA from their dog that slept with them and often licked their faces.

Your Pet and Your Sleep

The act of sleeping with your pet can also disrupt your sleep. My cat sometime snores and that either wakes me up of prevents me from getting to sleep because of the noise. I have to give her a nudge and like the Stooges say “Wake up and go to sleep.”

Pets, especially larger dogs can kick you while they are sleeping and animals moving around to a new position or climbing over you can wake you up.

My cat snuggles up to me but because she is like a little furnace I often move away, only to have her moved over next to me again. I end up with a sliver of the bed and the cat has the rest. Or someone’s dog just plain hogs most of the bed.

Sometimes a dog or cat scratching can shake the bed enough to either wake you up completely up or just enough to disrupt your sleep.

Occasionally someone rolls over in their sleep only to crunch a pet that reacts by biting them.

Precautions You Can Take

People should never sleep with their animal if they suffer from asthma or any pet allergies. They should also wash their hands after petting their animal, cleaning up pet waste and always before eating and preparing food.

My cat sometimes hops up on the kitchen counter to look out the window. I’ll shoo her away when I catch her but she is most likely up there when I am not home or asleep at night. I don’t know how many times I’ve made a sandwich on that counter unaware of the with extra cat butt flavouring I was adding.

Try keeping a container of bleach wipes on the counter and wipe it down often, especially before preparing any food.

You should also prevent you pet from ever licking you in the area of an open wound, cut or scrape. If they do you should wash and sterilize the area. The idea that that a dog’s saliva is cleaner than a human’s is a myth. Has your dog ever eaten excrement, garbage, spoiled food or a dead animal? Yiks!

Try tilting your pillows of your bed to a 45 degree angle to prevent your pet from sleeping on them.

Be Safe By Keeping Your Pet Healthy

• Take your pet to the vet on a regular basis
• Keep up any shots and vaccinations
• Take care of your pet’s teeth
• Have them treated for any internal parasites
• Frequently bathe and groom your pet
• Follow heartworm prevention including flea and tick prevention appropriate for the time of year and your geographical location
• Don’t let your pet lick your face
• Pick up after your pet immediately and keep the cat’s litter box clean

Take cat scratch disease, for example. The bacterial infection, caused by Bartonella henselae, comes from infected fleas and flea feces and is transmitted to humans, often simply by a cat strolling across a food preparation area that isn’t disinfected before food is placed on it.

The disease also could have come from pets that rolled or played in their feces, where salmonella can stay alive for up to 12 weeks.

Benefits of Sleeping With Your Pet

Having a pet has been shown to lower blood pressure, stress and anxiety, reduce cholesterol and triglyceride levels, decrease loneliness, boost the immune system, increase longevity and they give unconditional love. And many medical studies have shown that contact with pets can often help both the physically and mentally ill.

Pets also can increase an owner’s opportunities for exercise and socialising.

Even though sleeping with your pet could kill you, the risk is very small. If you practice good flea and tick control and regularly take your pet to the vet and keep them healthy, there will be little risk of disease.

And since having pets comes with many health benefits, having a pet sleep with you outweighs the risks.

Does your pet sleep with you? Leave a comment below.

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